Why is it so hard letting go? My heart keeps hanging on hoping and praying that he will come back to me but my mind tells me to give it up you shouldn't put yourself through this knowing what you know. Why do you want to be married to a man that is attractive to another man. It's so hard, I cry every night when I go to bed so that my kids don't hear me. I feel so alone. I just miss him. I wonder if he thinks of me. I wonder if he wants to come back to me. I wonder if he loves me. Do you think if we love each other we can get past this? I think so! I'm not sure though.
Please give me your input on this, I would like to know from other wives.
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Not Knowing
Today has been a pretty good day for me considering I have been crying for sometime now. I'm so heartbroken everything is so fresh and I'm not sure what is wrong or right.
My mind tells me to let him go because I don't deserve this but my heart tells me not to give up. I don't think it's up to me at this point since I'm not sure how much into men he really is and he's not discussing it with me. You would think he owes me at least that much for the sake of my sanity! I understand well I'm trying to understand this one day at a time. What should I do is a question that I beat myself up with all day! Do I move on and live my life with our kids and show him that it doesn't bother me as much or do I show him that I still love him and want to work it out? Seriously, how do you work it out with someone if you are not even sure they want to work it out or how do you work it out with someone if you are not even sure if they love you or want another man? It's so brain wrecking!
I'm living my life in a shadow of not knowing what to do plus no one to turn to in asking these questions. I'm screaming and crying inside and no one can hear me, I walk around with a smile on my face to hide my pain.
My mind tells me to let him go because I don't deserve this but my heart tells me not to give up. I don't think it's up to me at this point since I'm not sure how much into men he really is and he's not discussing it with me. You would think he owes me at least that much for the sake of my sanity! I understand well I'm trying to understand this one day at a time. What should I do is a question that I beat myself up with all day! Do I move on and live my life with our kids and show him that it doesn't bother me as much or do I show him that I still love him and want to work it out? Seriously, how do you work it out with someone if you are not even sure they want to work it out or how do you work it out with someone if you are not even sure if they love you or want another man? It's so brain wrecking!
I'm living my life in a shadow of not knowing what to do plus no one to turn to in asking these questions. I'm screaming and crying inside and no one can hear me, I walk around with a smile on my face to hide my pain.
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
My First Posting
Hello, let me tell you a little about me and why I call my page "Beyond My Shadow"
I'm a woman, a mother, and a wife. I have been married for over 9 years and always believed that I am married to my soul mate and will be forever in love with him. I have been living in the shadow of my husband for a some years now not knowing if he is bi or gay. Dealing with this is a very hard thing to do considering I am very much in love with him.
I am reaching out to other wives that are dealing with this kind of situation and have recently joined support groups. By reading other blogs I have found out that there are hundreds of other wives dealing with the same dilemma.
Please, continue to read my story and I appreciate all your comments in advance. If you have any questions for me please email me at gayhusband@gmail.com
I'm a woman, a mother, and a wife. I have been married for over 9 years and always believed that I am married to my soul mate and will be forever in love with him. I have been living in the shadow of my husband for a some years now not knowing if he is bi or gay. Dealing with this is a very hard thing to do considering I am very much in love with him.
I am reaching out to other wives that are dealing with this kind of situation and have recently joined support groups. By reading other blogs I have found out that there are hundreds of other wives dealing with the same dilemma.
Please, continue to read my story and I appreciate all your comments in advance. If you have any questions for me please email me at gayhusband@gmail.com
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